| Gotta move forward! |
[07 Sep 2004|01:24pm] |
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dinner or lunch/sunshine anderson |
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Today is going pretty well.Got up early this morning and so far today I've only had a cup of nonfat yogurt.Today is going to be a good day,seeing as how I have to work from 2:45-8pm.Which means I will prolly be too tired to eat when I get home.
But i got a quick question...My job is an outdoor's one,so what should i do.Because the last time we were outside I fainted from not eating the whole day.So should I eat a lil something before I go or eat when I get in?
Any suggestions?
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| the week ahead! |
[31 Jul 2004|11:24pm] |
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im leaving for band camp tomorrow at 1pm.Its going to be a very trying week for me,not being at home and around my normal settings.They feed us 3times a day and they watch you to make you eat,due to the many girls who have passed out there before.So the counselors walk around and watch,which means I'm going to have to adjust to their rules.Even with me on staff I'm still watched,I guess its because of my age.But I will loose weight while im there.
Everyone stay strong and I'll talk to ya in a week.
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| a new! |
[27 Jul 2004|05:19pm] |
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hate me now/NAS |
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I've been doing really well with my calorie intake lately.Last week I got up 9:30am,at 11:30am I would eat an apple or a 3/4cups of dry cereal.Due to my work schedule dinner time came around 8pm.Yes,lord knows that's late,but is it okay even though I'm not eating any calories up until then?This weeks scedule is drastcially different.I'm up now at 6:15am and I have to be at work by 8am.Yesterday,I ate my normal ceral intake,but this morning I couldnt bring myself to eat anything.So I waited until lunch time and ate at my job,that was at 12pm.I then ate dinner at the same time as usual.
Those were just some quick questions,if they even were questions...Please answer or comment.
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| doing well...I guess |
[21 Jul 2004|06:11pm] |
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confessions/usher |
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I've been trying to watch my calorie intake more closely now.Yesterday I did really well,from 6am-8:30pm I only had an apple and some water.Then my boyfriend came home and he was hungry and I ate with him.I ate a plain,small,lean,hamburger patty,so bread.I tried only eating half of the patty and my beau was like,whats wrong with you?You need to eat!fucking men...but I still love him.Today up until now i had some dry cereal,felt a little bad about that but I'll make up for it somehow.How do you get past the tearing pain at your stomach?Someone help me!Fucking hunger pains...
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[17 Jul 2004|09:22am] |
I'm keeping this journal to turn it over to the bella's in its month due time.
I never fully came to terms with my ed.At my highest weight I was 155lbs.During the summer of 1999 I decided that was too much for me to deal with,so I told myself that I was going to weigh 125lbs before I left for college.My first ed was a "disordered"ed,meaning I turned to my ed after a very stressful situation.During this time I found that my ed was something that I had turned to and I was totally into keeping it and making myself into what I wanted to be.With time and my major weight loss I found ana.The need for food was totally lost.This is when my mother thought she should interviene.At first it was subtle hints that "Don't you think your small enough?"and the occassional phamlet left here and there.When she saw that I was still losing weight she decided to take matters into her own hands.It turned into doctor appointments where I was instructed to "gain some weight" because with my height being 5'2 I should weigh at least 125lbs.My mother then began sitting with me at dinner time or whenever she could catch me,due to me being active in color/winter guard,I was always at practice and didnt get home until late,so she would make me eat with her any day that I didnt have practice and on the weekends.This is what turned my "disordered"ed into bulimia.The taste of food began to make me sick and there was no way that I was going to gain any weight back.So between practice and competitions and I was doing all that I could to not gain any weight and when I would get done "having dinner" with my mom I would go to the bathroom and quickly get the food out of my system.
During college I was able to work out as much as I wanted,which was the best thing ever.My dorm was next door to the gym,which totally worked out for me.I would walk there,work out for an hour,and run back.I would then run on the days that I didnt have morning classes.This became a great routine for me since I was not in guard anymore.I began dating a guy who was totally into fitness which made my need to be small "okay."We would work out together and all the world was great.He would tell me everyday how pretty I looked and he would toss me around like a child and say things like"i love your petiteness and sccoping you up!"THis made me feel on top of the world!!!Then we broke up....But I'm not going to waste my journal with that crap.
I've since moved on and its 2years later.I've kept all my weight off until recently.I got with this new guy who was totally into spoiling me with everything.Food just happened to be something major,I didnt think that I could gain weight anymore or something I guess.We would eat out everyday,this has taken over my life.I wouldnt dare get on a scale right now.
Which brings me to my new self.I thought I was over my ed but i guess it was just surpressed.I'm now going to set another "goal"for myself and achieve like I did before.
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| new |
[16 Jul 2004|02:09pm] |
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hey im going to get a new account.update yall later on the name of it
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| new! |
[16 Jul 2004|01:48pm] |
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I'm creating a new lj for my new community.This is going to be a strict secure one.
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